Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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