I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
