A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
