I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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