Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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