Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
