you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
