i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
