Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
