My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
