he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
