you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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