Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
