Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
