i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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