you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
