This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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