why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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