I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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