I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
