I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
