apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
