You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
