just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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