He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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