I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
