true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
