I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Two words: blizzard sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
