you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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