Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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