My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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