I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
