someone owes me an orgasm
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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