i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
