I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
