I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
