If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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