You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
