Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
