do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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