Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
