You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
