im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
