How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
