But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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