The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
