Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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