so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
