Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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