Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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