it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
